Re_Generation

Dear Friend,

Today we talked on the phone. You shared some harrowing experiences you had as a child and how they continue to impact your marriage and three kids.

Yes, those formative experiences can shape how we interact within our closest relationships. I shared with you some of my own childhood ordeals and how they continue to impact me as well.

Then you said something I’ve said at least a half dozen times since becoming a parent, “I just don’t want my kids to have to go through what I did.”

“That’s very natural given how devastating it was for you,” I conceded. “But you’re still here, and you’re making different choices than your parents did.”

I think it’s understandable that we moms would want to prevent our kids from walking through the same heartache that we did. At the same time, our kids’ stories are not our own.

They will face their own unique challenges.

But just like God was with us, God will be with them.

I shared with you that there had been a pattern of broken mother-daughter relationships for several generations in my family. So, not only did I hesitate to choose motherhood at all, when my firstborn was a girl, I worried I’d “screw things up” and repeat the same tragic pattern.

God, however, began to speak into my fear—that He was writing a new story. A story of redemption.

Just like God had picked me up and continues to heal my wounds from childhood, He would help my daughter with anything she faced.

I began to have faith that God would help me make healthier choices as I nurtured my little girl.

Over the years, did I make all my decisions out of healthier impulses? No. But through God’s unfailing love, my daughter and I broke the generational pattern of fractured relationships. I remained by her side. When I needed help with my mental health, I made sure I got it.

When she faced challenges in life, I listened with compassion and tried to balance truth with grace. Though I felt smaller than a grasshopper, I mustered strength to advocate for her. I spent a lot of time on my knees, asking the Lord for wisdom. Throughout everything, I did not run away. I pushed through. Only by the strength God provided.

God is our Redeemer (Isaiah 48:17). What darkness intends for evil, God can redeem. He can take our deepest wounds and turn them into wells of compassion for others or wells of commitment to love radically.

Just like He took the broken pieces of your childhood and began to heal your broken heart, He has the power to do that for your kids, too.

Our kiddos will struggle—no matter how much we try to protect them. This is just the reality of living in a fallen world. But our God is not far behind the tornado. Our God continues to chase them down with His “goodness and mercy…all the days” of their lives (Psalm 23:6 NIV).

The Lord uses every challenge—every heartache—to invite his children into a relationship with Him. I certainly can attest that I would probably not know God today if I hadn’t experienced devastating loss as a child. He didn’t cause that loss, but He used it to nudge me to seek out the One who was permanent: the One Who Would Never Leave Me or Forsake Me. In this, my deepest pain became my deepest Joy. I clung to God as a necessity—out of desperation for connection. My profound need, exposed by the wound, drove me into His loving arms.

I’m sure your story of finding Jesus was a similar one—that you wouldn’t have the depth to your relationship with God had you not experienced devastating pain as a child. The Lord is real to you because of all you walked through with Him. Your kids see that reality every day.

You teach your kids with love—because you’re walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:25).

You care for their physical, emotional, and spiritual health—because God has cared for yours (Proverbs 31: 15, 21, 26, and 28).

You show them patience, humility, and faith—because you abide in the Vine and are therefore producing much fruit (John 15:4-5).

You partner with your husband to raise your kids in the Lord—because his commands are on your hearts and you take seriously the call to “impress them on your children” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

You remain by their side—because God has remained by yours (Matthew 28:20).

You pray for your kids—because you know God hears your prayers (Ephesians 6:18).

You commit yourself and them into the loving hands of your Heavenly Father. And because of it, your kids will be OK.

Love,

Your Friend

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Ponder. Practice. Pray.

1. Read Deuteronomy 6:1-9. What does God ask of parents in this passage? What does God promise parents who follow his ways and teach their kids to do the same? Make a practical plan of one biblical principle you could teach your child(ren) “on the way” this week. Pray for God’s guidance, timing, and the perfect “word in due season.”

2. God says, “[I] show love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments” (Exodus 20:6 NIV). As you try to follow God’s commands and teach them to your children, what is God’s promise to you? How have you seen God’s love transform you or your kids? Take some time to thank God for his faithfulness to you and your children. Ask God what next step he’d like you to take.

God, you know all I’ve been through because you were by my side on my hardest days. You are taking my painful story and turning it into something beautiful. By your wounds I am healed (Isaiah 53:5). I pray that you would guide me as a parent. Please draw near to my children, and help us all walk into the future with hope. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.